[The italic is about what had happened during these days/years in a "detaily summary". The "none-italic" is about what happened today.]
During my years in this class I've heard my classmates talk behind my back, and infront of me of course, about my grades, presentations, essays etc.
-About my grades they say "those teachers are unfair. Just because they like her they give her good grades. .About my presentations they say "omg... so boring.... can't she just talk less during her presentations? I'm getting sleepy".
-About my essays they say "Hahah, look at her. She's writing a Harry Potter book."
Yeah, so I got sick of it. Especially after this guy who was nice in front of me but then said something mean to me behind my back. but I ignored it, okay. I pretended I didn't know anything about them talking like that, and continued my work as if they weren't nearby. So it was okay, at that time. I don't know. I just started to think that I didn't deserve my grades etc. So.. the reason I'm always so slow at doing my homework is actually because I erase it and do it all over again all the time for it to be perfect.... so that's why it always seems as if I have a lot of homework when I actually have the avarage amount of homework (or how you say it). I was never happy with my work, and I wasn't happy with the result either, but it's not like I can sit there forever trying to make it perfect, right? xD I never thought the work I'd done was good enough. So.. when I got to know the grades I got for my work I was pretty shocked. I don't know what's wrong with me.. I mean, if I let those words get to me, or whatever, but I felt like I didn't deserve it although I was happy. So I talked to my best friend about it (which I shouldn't have). I told her that I was surprised, blablabla and that I probably didn't deserve it. So, she told me "You're so lucky that all the teachers love you." It was quite similar to those things the guys said about me, like being an eye servant etc. They always said "How could you get that grade?!?!? That's so unfair. She likes you, that's why. Omg *scream, scream, scream*" So I was hurt when my friend said that because I just thought it was enough with what those guys said. When she said it, I started to believe it was true so I was sad.
Today, the English teacher was going to talk about my grade with me, so I walked to her in the corridor. I don't know if I looked sad but she knew I was sad .____. I didn't want to tell her, because if I did tell her, I would start to cry xD but then she said "Come on, tell me" although I said "no, no, no, no". So I asked her if it was true(and yes, I cried *sigh*), I mean, the fact that my grades wasn't fair etc. She told me it wasn't true. She said she did like me, but she also liked the others so it didn't matter if she liked us or not. I couldn't stop crying to I tried to cover my face. She had her arm around me .__. so obviously they'd know I was crying. There was a guy who didn't notice though. He came up to us and told me "tell me when you get an A" and walked away, and then the rest of the guys came out of the classroom and screamed "She's crying!!! She's crying!!! Omg, seriously?!?!? What the hell? It's so stupid to cry just because you're getting a B" etc, etc. I was thinking like "Who said I got a B? Don't go around assuming things as you please =____________________________________=". And then some of them went into the other classroom where my two friends were in and told them about it too. The English teacher then told me "You deserve all of those grades that you get. You should be proud of yourself. Don't let them get to you. They're just jealous of you." and showed me my grade. "See what you got?" and made a circle around the A with her pencil. "This is the A that you deserve. Just put this A on your forehead for everyone to see. Let them see what you're worth. Don't let their words get to you okay?" and then she told me I could go wipe my tears. So I went to the bathroom and locked the door, of course. It was so chaotic outside because none of the teachers were nearby. So... some of the guys were like.. knocking(beastly) on the door and tried to open the lock with the back of their keys. And then some of them said "omg, she's locking herself in the bathroom. that's so stupid" blablabla. And my friends stood outside of the door and knocked too, and told those guys to stop. But they never stopped. And.. I heard the "leader" scream all the time (what's his problem? x_x). Of course I didn't want to go out there if they're being like that .____. It was so scary. I told my friend behind the closed door to let me be alone for some minutes. I waited for them to calm down and then I went out. When I went out of the bathroom, all of them were suddenly quiet. I went to my friends (hopefully it didn't look like I'd cried)and when I stood there one of the guys came to me and asked me what had happened, and he also told me "I'm not like the rest of them. You can talk to me." But he got chased away by one of my friends. And then other guys started to laugh and babble the same shit all over again. They didn't even know the whole story, and like hell they don't deserve my explanation either. I really hate this class .___.
Anyways, so... when I stood there with my friends, my one friend told me that she was surprised when the guys screamed that I'd cried. She said she went to our regular classroom and then the guy who was sitting there asked her what had happened to me. She said I was crying and then he said "What? Really? Shit... what happened?". She told me he felt sorry for me .___. and that it looked like he was about to cry too so it almost also made her cry. (It's almost believable since he was the only guy who cried when our favorite teacher said goodbye to us because she was pregnant and had to take care of her newborn child. x) It was actually pretty cute. All the other guys made fun of him though -.-). Anyways... so she told me she suspected him for liking me in that way. I thought it wasn't possible though. I mean... it's probably just in a friendly way that he cared...
Another thing was that my friends also thought I cried because I got a B, which was quite funny :I they said "Don't cry. I get an F but I never cry." I told them that wasn't the case, but I didn't tell them the real reason behind it (I mean, it's pretty stupid). So my one friend just went to two of those guys and told them they'd misunderstood. But then they said "We know her better than you because we talk to her, more than you do, during class." so I'm like "what e__e".
So.... this day was awful... except for when I got the results of my maths-national-exam-grade. ^ ^ I used to always get a C in maths because I never talked during the times we had to... so it pretty much ruined my chances to get higher points for my grade. Those teachers always told me "you're going to get a B or an A!" etc, but never gave me any of them xD. So.. I got a bit sad since they never did like they told me they would. '-' soso.... these exams had all parts included. Oral, writing and problem solving. I got an A in all of them! I was so so so happy because I'd worked so hard to reach that goal for months and months! This was actually the first time in my life that I actually felt like I deserved it. This is the best thing that has happened in my life so far. I don't know if she's going to give me an A for the whole "maths subject", but this is good enough since it's about the national exams, which is like... a big deal! ^___^
~And also... I appreciate all of your comments and everything!! :) It makes me happy to know that there are people who actually reads my long posts and spends their time to write me a comment. Really, all of your comments help me to feel better ^-^ ♥
6 comments:
I'm sorry about what happened. It always sucks when school kids decide to gang up on one person. So uncool...
I can't say I've ever been in the same situation but I have been in a class that I really hated because I felt really isolated and I never had any friends in that class. So I know how hard it is to stay positive in a classroom where you feel as if everyone is against you.
Anyway, keep your chin up and honestly, these classmates sound like they're jealous of you and can't accept the fact that it takes hard work to get good grades. People don't get good grades just because the teacher likes them; That's truly ridiculous. If they ever confront you about it, you should tell them that yes, the teacher does seem to like you but you work hard for your grades and deserve it. I think if you stick up for yourself, they should start to get the picture.
I also wanted to say that I appreciate you writing such true to heart posts. I've been trying really hard to keep my blog posts that way but I always feel like I slip farther and farther away from that as time goes on.
Omg, that sucks! Sorry that had to happen to you.
Those guys are all just jealous and can't accept the fact that people have to put in hard work and effort to get good grades.
I like to go by the quote, "People who bring you down are only doing so because you are above them."
So all your classmates are being that way because they're insecure and feel inferior to you. Try not to take it too personally because I'm sure it's a phase. Hopefully they're all mature out of it as the years go on.
If they confront you about it, you should tell them how hard you worked to get that grade. I doubt you got it by just sitting around, watching TV and playing games.
It's okay, you shouldn't feel sorry since you're not the reason for it! ^^ And yeah, I know. I've been thinking a lot about it lately and I wonder if it's because they just want to feel "better" and "bigger", since they're ganging up on the weak.
Oh... I hope you, at least, had people who supported you outside of class since it's very bad to keep things bottled up. I really, really hope you're in a better class right now(or have an awesome job). I'm sure you're a great person! I can tell by the things you write to me ^_^ Seriously, I can't tell you how happy I felt when you wrote what you wrote.
Hahah, yes! I'll try to do that if they do confront me. I doubt they will though, since they don't seem to dare to talk to me in person about it. They always complain about me in their "chit-chat" groups.
Aw, and I appreciate you for reading my posts! ;_;
Do you still write on your blog? I'm sure you'll be able to write those posts if you just let your thoughts fly on the clouds as you type. (I have no idea if that's even helpful, but don't give up! You should write when you feel like writing, never force yourself if you don't feel like doing it.) I'm really curious about your blog right now, but I can't click on your name! x) I guess it's private?
~~~I wish you the best of luck! :)
Oh, it's you again ^^ (I hope that didn't sound rude ><)
That's a good quote! I actually felt a slightly bit better from reading it. I have to keep that in mind. Honestly, you made me feel a lot better. Thank you. :) I'll try my best not to take what they say too personally. There's only just a week left with this class anyway. It's kind of weird how I started to get hurt by their actions just recently, even though it's going to end soon.
Yeah, I will tell them, if they do confront me. ^_^
~~~Thank you bunches <3
Hey! Yeah, I'm embarrassed but the top post was actually mine too, lolol. I thought it didn't post because I don't have a blog with that account and forgot I was not logged into my main one. xP
So, uh, yeah, no probs! I really hate it when people ostracize one person just because they can't accept the fact that they didn't work hard enough to get good grades.
And I'm sure that not all those people are totally against you. I bet that a lot of them are just falling to peer pressure and going along with the crowd. Quite cowardly behavior if you ask me. You'll feel proud of yourself in the end for not falling to their level and succeeding while they continue to whine about why they didn't get good grades when they obviously aren't putting in the effort. ;)
Aw xD
To be honest, I got a little suspicious since some of the things you wrote was quite similar, hahah x) I didn't dare to make rash conclusions though ;_;
You're right. Not all of them are like that ^ ^
You're so sweet xD
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