I'm honestly not feeling too well so I just wanted to type some things to ease the pain.
I have so many things bottled up to the point where even the smallest disheartening things can make me break down into tears. The emotions I've been suppressing all this time are catching up and it makes me so frustrated. I feel so weak and fragile. I'm scared. I just want to hide from the whole world. It feels like I'm relying too much on other things making me happy than myself if that makes sense?
I wish I could head out on a trip in the nature to find myself, although it's not that easy because I live in an overprotective household. I'm not allowed to do anything on my own and I'm not even exaggerating. It's not easy to "just do what I want because I'm an adult" so that's easier said than done. I want to be more independent but there are way too many obstacles for me to be so. I'm 19, turning 20 in about 2 months but I still feel like a child. I feel trapped and I'm suffocating.
7 comments:
if this shows up as anonymous again then its the person from youtube you've been talking to for the past 2 weeks. umm, i kinda feel guilty after reading this one cus i was already thinking for a couple days now,"oh, i don't want to weigh her down with my problems, maybe i should stop commenting or something".but i know what your talking about though, i'm around the same age,and i still feel tied down, like i can't do anything cos your every move is being controlled by someone else.i can't really say anything that would help out, except i truly understand, and i'm always willing to lend a hand like you did for me.i will always be an ear for you to yell, or cry, or whatever you have on your heart.
Nooooooo, don't feel guilty about it because your comments comfort me. You don't weigh me down in any way at all so please continue commenting whenever you feel like it. I do know where you're coming from though because I tend to feel the same. I kind of regretted posting this after a while fearing you might read it and that you'd back off or something because that's not my intention. You're really not the only one fearing you might be weighing someone down with your problems, and I hope you won't start to get tired of me ranting or pouring my heart out. Aah thank you so much, do you have any idea how calming your words are? It helps me a lot, and I'm so glad you understand me ><
im glad i could help in some way, even if its talking. actually, this entry reminded me a-lot about the way i felt, which is why i probably sounded a little frightened in the last comment.this might sound a little weird but i'm not used to making friends or even talking with people, so if i say something weird or awkward, please don't take it seriously. also, after reading my newest youtube comment, if i was sapposed to write down my twitter address or something(cus i know other social media need that sort of thing), then sorry i still don't know how twitter works so if you want that then i can send that, but if this is just me being awkward or something then we can just talk through comments...or not if you don't want to.also i saw your instagram,where you said you had exams, good-luck on those.
aw I see >< It doesn't sound weird at all so don't worry about it. I'm glad we can actually talk like this because if it was irl I probably wouldn't dare to approach you as sad as that sounds ;__;; It's okayy, I hadn't used twitter in a while so it surprised me when I checked in and saw that you had started following me. Like I mentioned in the tweet I replied to you, I didn't get any notifications until I turned on the app. And also... I don't know how twitter works either, I only know you can tweet things xD I saw you had liked some of my tweets of my tumblr posts and those tweets were automatic, if that makes sense. My tumblr posts are scheduled so it posts even though I'm not on there. I really don't know how to stop my twitter from tweeting everytime I post on my tumblr, so I'm kind of freaking out about that ;-; When I saw you had followed me and even tweeted me "3 days ago" it made me a bit worried because I was afraid you'd think I was ignoring you or something since my tweets are kind of regular. Does that make sense ? You know how you used to delete your comments or edit out some stuff before? I was scared you'd do that again XD IDK, hope I'm not being too confusing now. But I'm glad you let it be so that I could see it. See, I'm kind of weird and awkward myself so it's really okay ^_^
And also, of course I want to keep talking. And thank you for your good luck wish, I went through the exams yesterday and it didn't go too well :( I was too distracted with my thoughts and so on ;__;;
sorry, but i kind of did think you were ignoring me, but i don't want you to think i was judging you, i thought i did something.cos, you weren't replying or anything. it's good to see i didn't do anything. sorry about the exams.
you aren't being too confusing, i know what you mean. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_j-N4sRQwk .this video is for the exams.i thought it could brighten the mood... if the mood isn't already bright.it's just a guy that looks like he's just won the lottery haha.just wanted to send you something cos i feel bad about the exams thing,i'm also happy i could talk to youu at all, and your the only person i've spoken to about anything, but i don't want you to feel pressured , i'm just saying if i met you in real life i would have walked right by you.
Aaaaah, I'm so sorry I made you think that :c My heart kinda dropped when I read that while I was walking up the stairs to the classroom XD It's totally understandable that you kind of came to that conclusion though, so it's okay.
Awww that's so sweet of you :3 Thank you so much. I just watched the video and it did help to brighten the mood haha XD I'm happy about us being able to talk like this as well. You say the kindest things ^-^
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