Adults Gossiping

It might seem as if I'm in a happy place right now and that everything is totally fine. But there are so many factors making me feel like shit. Most of the people surrounding me are so filled with negativity towards people they don't even know. Adults acting like teens/children, going around spreading rumors, gossiping about people, even the ones who are so much younger than them AND THEY'RE ENJOYING IT. Aren't they supposed to be adults? Aren't they supposed to act like one? I'm wondering if this is a usual thing? Is it normal to act this way?????? I mean, I knew from the start they were shady people but I still get as surprised every time I hear about them acting that way. I honestly DON'T UNDERSTAND how people can act that way at all? Especially adults. Yes, they're people too, but can't they at least keep their mouth shut if there's something they don't like about a person(children/teens/other adults or w/e) than walking around gossiping?????

HONESTLY, I've lost faith. I have trust issues because of this behavior of these people. Them acting friendly when they see you in person but as soon as you turn your back, they start badmouthing you just because you chose to take a path they don't agree with, and mind you, that path doesn't hurt anyone, yet they go around talking a bunch of crap about you and giving you shit for it. I am so utterly sick and tired of these people. UGH. 

I was so frustrated earlier and talked to Agnes about it. I tried so hard to hold my tears in, my throat started to tense up and my heart was pounding like crazy making me feel like it was about to rip out of my chest. Dramatic, I know but it hurt so much knowing there are those kinds of people out there. These things doesn't only happen to me, my sister gets a lot of shit as well and this is hurting me the most. She's been through so much and she's been standing up for herself even though they keep pushing her down. For this reason, I admire her. Me, on the other hand, don't stand up for myself because I can't. I wish I could be as strong as her, but instead I handle everything in silence.

I can't help but suspecting every acquaintance I walk by, thinking there might be a chance of them being fake with us to later spread negative shit about us. When it comes to me, just choosing my own path to study art is a reason enough for them to shit talk me. For deciding to attend high school 2 years over again for this reason; they call me stupid. And honestly, that is one of the smallest reasons. Other things they've badmouthed me about is my blue hair, my piercings... basically the way I look. Just because I don't look ideal to them, they decide it's ok to treat me that way. Other things are a bit more personal but NONE of these things HAVE ANYTHING to do with them. These things do NOT affect them in ANY way, yet they decide to trash talk me. Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't they leave US alone? There are so many more young people who are going through this kind of treatment as well in this so called circle of "adult friends". And yes, there are parents talking shit about their own kids as well, parents telling their own kids they're ugly everyday because they don't have the same fashion sense as the parents etc etc. Why can't they mind their own business?

Now I know you might think "cut those people off", but trust me, it's not that easy because they involve themselves with our family members. It's not that easy to get rid of them and since it's my sister's wedding soon, some of those people are invited. I used to care so much about what other people thought of me because I didn't want the people close to me (not gonna be more specific about who) feeling ashamed of me, but now I don't care anymore because in the end, they're all in this trash-talking together anyway. And I guess it's come to that point because they want other people to know they actually didn't have anything to do with what I decided to do with my life? Idk. But it's ok cause it's understandable.

I'm sorry this was another rant.

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(Om du läser detta Roro, och du vill att jag ska ta bort din del av det hela så säg till :( Blev bara så jävla upprörd)

Such an eventful day. We fell twice XD

I went ice skating with my class today during P.E class and we played some sort of tag. As me and Agnes stood there and recovered from having gotten caught earlier, one of the taggers came at our direction and was about to catch us again. My intuition was to flee with Agnes, so I tried to skate away as the tagger approached us. The fear was so intense that everything went wrong and wobbly when we tried to get away. When the tagger reached for me with her arm, I fell on the ice so hard after attempting to avoid her, head and butt down, and so did Agnes because I kinda dragged her down with me LOL. She fell right on my knee with her body as she was thinking "OH SHIT NO" because she realized she'd be squashing my knee but couldn't do anything about it. Her body put pressure on my knee and I HEARD A CRACK as my whole leg went weak. I can't remember if the tagger fell with us but I think she did and got up again shortly after to try to help me up. When I was helped up I couldn't help but fall down again since my leg were numb and a bit unstable. It was scary but I'm ok. It was just so funny how Agnes tried so hard not to land on my knee but failed. Our teacher noticed our dramatic fall and came to ask us if we were okay and I said I was okay although my knee cracked, it was fortunate I didn't break it XD After P.E class, we cycled back to school. Agnes cycled with Teresa sitting behind her on the bike and I cycled carrying only myself and our bags and backpacks. We cycled beside each other, but obviously not too close. So when we came to this "crossover", with lack of communication, we clashed with each other because I thought we'd turn left while Agnes thought we'd continue straight and then turn left. Before it went dramatic, from Teresa's point of view, we looked stupid because she saw how we slowly got closer and closer. She freaked out in her head thinking "AREN'T THEY GETTING TOO CLOSE WTF" but couldn't say anything because everything went so fast (obviously we had a talk about how it went afterwards to admire our stupidity). When we made our turns, our bike handles kind of got stuck to each other since they were in such good positions to fit in with one another and get locked together (IF THAT MAKES SENSE). So once our bike handles got in contact, it was too late to get out of it. I remember how much we struggled to get loose but it just went worse and we both started losing our balance. I lost balance first and fell down dragging both Agnes and Teresa down as well since our bikes basically became one. All three of us fell, with me at the bottom. One of my hands got squashed because it took most of the fall in order to protect my body (out of reflex), Agnes' knee got scraped like a bish, and Teresa's leg got in between our bikes and got squashed as well. Apparently Teresa hurt her chin too (it went red-purplish) LOL dunno how that happened :( It obviously hurt but we laughed so hard at how silly we were to the point where one of our teachers (whom we came across) actually thought we were the happiest we could ever be, when in fact we were quite traumatized by the event :')) We couldn't stop laughing. We probably looked as if we were on cloud nine from outsiders' point of view. I've realized that whenever something horrible happens and you're with your friends, no matter how dramatic it gets, you always laugh afterwards. I don't know, maybe it's just me? Cause I've fallen by myself plenty of times before but I've never looked at it as a positive experience like I do on this one, if that makes sense. As weird as this sounds, I'm actually quite happy this happened since it was quite a fun experience. We had a few more injuries by the way, but I decided just to mention the most "severe" ones XD When I first had a look at my hand, it was quite scary because the whole thing looked inflamed. A bit further up on my hand there was signs of inner bleeding. The blood kind of bubbled up beneath the skin making it look as if a purple/blue caterpillar was stuck under my skin. After a while I showed Agnes my hand while Teresa went to the bathroom and said "look Agnes! It looks better now" and got no reply. SHE WENT QUIET AT FIRST AND THEN SHE WENT "UHHH... well.. someone's a bit positive" LOL. I needed to include a post about this because it's a moment I want to look back at. Aaaaah, I really miss making posts on here, I feel like I should do it more often ;-;