Adults Gossiping

It might seem as if I'm in a happy place right now and that everything is totally fine. But there are so many factors making me feel like shit. Most of the people surrounding me are so filled with negativity towards people they don't even know. Adults acting like teens/children, going around spreading rumors, gossiping about people, even the ones who are so much younger than them AND THEY'RE ENJOYING IT. Aren't they supposed to be adults? Aren't they supposed to act like one? I'm wondering if this is a usual thing? Is it normal to act this way?????? I mean, I knew from the start they were shady people but I still get as surprised every time I hear about them acting that way. I honestly DON'T UNDERSTAND how people can act that way at all? Especially adults. Yes, they're people too, but can't they at least keep their mouth shut if there's something they don't like about a person(children/teens/other adults or w/e) than walking around gossiping?????

HONESTLY, I've lost faith. I have trust issues because of this behavior of these people. Them acting friendly when they see you in person but as soon as you turn your back, they start badmouthing you just because you chose to take a path they don't agree with, and mind you, that path doesn't hurt anyone, yet they go around talking a bunch of crap about you and giving you shit for it. I am so utterly sick and tired of these people. UGH. 

I was so frustrated earlier and talked to Agnes about it. I tried so hard to hold my tears in, my throat started to tense up and my heart was pounding like crazy making me feel like it was about to rip out of my chest. Dramatic, I know but it hurt so much knowing there are those kinds of people out there. These things doesn't only happen to me, my sister gets a lot of shit as well and this is hurting me the most. She's been through so much and she's been standing up for herself even though they keep pushing her down. For this reason, I admire her. Me, on the other hand, don't stand up for myself because I can't. I wish I could be as strong as her, but instead I handle everything in silence.

I can't help but suspecting every acquaintance I walk by, thinking there might be a chance of them being fake with us to later spread negative shit about us. When it comes to me, just choosing my own path to study art is a reason enough for them to shit talk me. For deciding to attend high school 2 years over again for this reason; they call me stupid. And honestly, that is one of the smallest reasons. Other things they've badmouthed me about is my blue hair, my piercings... basically the way I look. Just because I don't look ideal to them, they decide it's ok to treat me that way. Other things are a bit more personal but NONE of these things HAVE ANYTHING to do with them. These things do NOT affect them in ANY way, yet they decide to trash talk me. Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't they leave US alone? There are so many more young people who are going through this kind of treatment as well in this so called circle of "adult friends". And yes, there are parents talking shit about their own kids as well, parents telling their own kids they're ugly everyday because they don't have the same fashion sense as the parents etc etc. Why can't they mind their own business?

Now I know you might think "cut those people off", but trust me, it's not that easy because they involve themselves with our family members. It's not that easy to get rid of them and since it's my sister's wedding soon, some of those people are invited. I used to care so much about what other people thought of me because I didn't want the people close to me (not gonna be more specific about who) feeling ashamed of me, but now I don't care anymore because in the end, they're all in this trash-talking together anyway. And I guess it's come to that point because they want other people to know they actually didn't have anything to do with what I decided to do with my life? Idk. But it's ok cause it's understandable.

I'm sorry this was another rant.

.

.

.

.

(Om du läser detta Roro, och du vill att jag ska ta bort din del av det hela så säg till :( Blev bara så jävla upprörd)