Friday, September 21, 2018

The Story Of The Cotton Pads. Follow My Mind As I Overthink.

Uhhh.... I think I messed up. I cleaned my piercings not too long ago with salt water and I had these 3 soaked cotton pads on my ears pressing against my piercings while doing other stuff. I thought I had already taken removed them at some point idk. They're supposed to sit on your piercings for around 5-10 mins and a lot more time had passed already so I didn't think any of it any longer. I decided to go to the bathroom outside (there's construction work going on with our bathrooms so they arranged bathrooms for us outside), came back home again, sat on my bed and continued tapping around with my fingers on the keyboard of the laptop. An annoying hair chunk then fell right in front of my face so I pulled it back behind my left ear, obviously my fingers touched the top of the ear, so I felt one of the wet cotton pads still being there... "Wait, what? Hadn't I thrown them away already?" I quickly reached for the lower part of my ear to check if that one was still there as well but no, IT WAS GONE. I checked the other ear and the cotton pad on that one is gone as well. Wtf.... did I remove 2 of them and forget this last one, or did I drop the other 2 wet salt water soaked cotton pads along the way....? But where did I drop them????? Did I drop them in the bathroom? Outside? In the kitchen?
Now that I try to recall I think I heard a "DUN" at some point either in the bathroom outside or in the kitchen... ...or is this just my mind trying to trick me into thinking I've heard the dropping sound when in reality I actually haven't? I check the kitchen: nothing there. I check the trash: only one cotton pad is in there... which means I really did drop the 2 missing cotton pads? Can't find them anywhere else in the apartment.
Urrrhhh.... I feel violated for some reason <_< ... cus it feels like I've dropped parts of me on the walk outside, or in the bathroom even. I mean... the cotton pads have TOUCHED my open piercing wounds; it feels too personal for me to think "OH WHATEVER, THEY'RE JUST COTTON PADS, GET OVER IT". Idk, am I the only one who feels this way about things I drop that have touched my body? What makes it worse is that those cotton pads were WET. What if there is blood on them or any other of my body fluids? Isn't it disgusting to see something like that on the ground especially if they're not even yours??? It wasn't even my intention to leave them exposed to the neighbourhood like that. Which is worse tho? Having dropped the cotton pads in the collective bathroom or outside on the walk where strangers might see them?... or in the apartment where your family members actually know they're yours, because you're the only one with tons of bloody piercings, and then risk hearing the "EEEWWWWWW, it's Sana's dirty disgusting cotton pads!! EW EW EW" and then being whined about, even if it has just happened this one time? IDK, ALL OF THEM ARE HORRIBLE TBH. AAAHHHHH I even think one of the construction workers might know they belong to me if he spots them on the ground, because HE FCKNG SAW ME WITH THE WET COTTON PADS ON MY EARS AT ONE POINT WHEN WE INTERACTED. 
Story of our interaction: 
That day my mother and one of my brothers had just left the apartment to do some shopping. I was left home alone because all the other family members had gone out as well prior to that. The door bell started ringing and I naively went to open up the door because I thought they had forgotten something and came back to get it. I opened the door and out there, around 2 metres away from the door, stood this man wearing construction work clothes. "OH SHIT", I thought to myself. I went into a panic mode because this social interaction caught me soooo off guard. My mother always told me "DON'T OPEN THE DOOR TO STRANGERS OKAY? ALWAYS CHECK BEFORE YOU OPEN". Why the hell didn't I do that this time? I could've at least prepared myself a bit more if I did. What is wrong with me? He turned his head around and looked at me. "....uhhh :'] ...hi..." I said. He greeted back and started talking about how he needed to replace the radiators in the rooms that were connected to the balconies. I was far too lost in my worries to even be able to process anything he was saying. I probably had a terrified expression on my face because he then asked ".... uhm... do you speak Swedish?". It snapped me out of my endless wander through my brain and I said "oh, oh yeah, yeah I do haha ^^;". He then continued to explain the situation to me and what he needed etc. Among all the worries that went through my mind, it hit me that I had just recently cleaned my piercings and that the cotton pads were still on my ears. OH FFS. Here I am, looking like a mess. Hair is all over the place, wearing pyjamas, face looks like shit... DID I REALLY HAVE TO ALSO BE WEARING THESE WET COTTON PADS ON MY EARS LOOKING AS IF I HAD TORN THEM UP IN AN ACCIDENT OR SOMETHING? Calm down. Get rid of them as descreetly as possible. As he was speaking, I looked at him as attentively as I could, and slowly and sneakily removed the cotton pads one by one while replying when I needed to, hoping that he wouldn't notice. I think he noticed though, I mean yeah, he might not have cared but he probably noticed. THE BIG QUESTIONs ARE THOUGH "DOES HE REMEMBER?!?!?!? WILL HE RECOGNISE WHO THEY BELONG TO IF HE SEES THEM ON THE GROUND?!?!? ... DO I NEED TO WORRY?"
...if it was day time I probably would've run around trying to look for them and actually throw them in the bin. Leaving trash where it doesn't belong is so irresponsibly rude imo (if it's intentional ofc). I really need to ask myself though "WHY DID I MAKE SUCH A HUGE DEAL OUT OF THIS????" They're just cotton pads! ....wet cotton pads.... that have touched my body... and possibly have my personal body fluid on them.... just lying outside in the open... :']

*breathes* 

Just chill okay, chill .................... :^D

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