Is it really love

Hi,
I just needed to get something off of my chest again. It probably sounds really cringy but... is it really love if you try to force someone to think, feel or do things that you want them to do because that's the only way you deem is the correct way to live life? Is it really love if you shame someone for doing harmless things that you just happen to not agree with? Is it really love if you trap someone for your own benifit? I don't know if I can believe that it is, especially if all the underlying reasons for your "wishes" are actually for yourself, but you disguise your selfish reasons as something that is for the sake of the people you supposedly love. Isn't love supposed to be selfless? Shouldn't you set the people you love free? Shouldn't your wish be for them to be happy? Isn't that what's supposed to matter the most, as long as they're good people? And just so you know, people tend to want to escape if they feel trapped. So if you asked me why they left you after all the time you've spent together, and possibly why they decided to cut off all ties with you, I would've said that this was your own doing. I don't care if I sound cruel, and I don't care how, when or where you grew up. And honestly, what frustrates me the most is that even if I try my hardest to explain to you the reason why, you still wouldn't understand. Actually, you may understand it the first time but the more we have these conversations, the harder you try to justify your actions and the less you actually see the problems for what they are. In the end, you put the blame on them and nothing is your fault.