Okay.. so here is what I was going to 'explain'. I don't know what's wrong with me. What exactly do I want???? When it's "school-time" I've got this problem with all the homework and stress, so I complain about wanting to take a break... but once it's really break I can't seem to be happy.. I feel more and more depressed and kinda isolated. I've noticed my health is poor, like, really poor. School is the only reason I eat at all. I barely eat at home. I've got no apetite.. and during this break Erin has been trying to contact me, but I keep ignoring her and hiding from her every freakin' time. She sends me 84939 messages on facebook asking me where I am and why I'm never online. I hate myself for being like this. I feel so distant... I'm home every fuckn' day doing nothing but wasting my time on games... I'm even starting to get too lazy to do the things I enjoy the most, like reading books and drawing. I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. But who else is there to blame but me? I was the one who let myself get pulled into the 'dark'.
Pshh, I always tell myself "use the time effective never lose a minute of it on something useless" but I end up pushing everything away... I feel scared of going out and hang out with friends because the time will flow a lot faster... and because it'll feel as if I haven't had enough time. I'm waiting for someone to save me from this misery, but whenever the time really comes... I start to hide. Erin has only contacted me via facebook, I mean... she's got my cell number so why isn't she texting me instead?? She knows it will reach me... I guess she's not doing much of an effort... STILL, I'm so shameful to have as a friend.. I'm too selfish. I'm being unfair.I'm.. off to sleep... but I don't know how many hours it will take for me to fall asleep . . . . . . . ò_ó
2 comments:
Hi, just commenting to say I totally know what you're feeling. Sometimes there are those periods of time when you just don't feel like doing anything and you're kind of down without knowing why (unless you do know why) and it's totally alright because I think everyone has those times. There's nothing wrong with you at all! Everyone sort of has their own way of dealing with it. Some of my friends tell me just to change my mindset and focus on positive things because that helps them, but personally I have to just ride it out and give myself a break until things look up again, and they always do after time. And I think your friend will understand if you just ask for some space for a little while.
So yes, that is my commentary...
Haii, thank you for letting me know. You made me feel better, really ^-^
I'm so happy that you commented ! :)
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