Why so...

Why so depressing...?

Answer: Because the weather was depressing... because my childhood friend were talking shit about some people she didn't know with some girl she really liked, and because my other friend got treated like a freak...

I seriously can't take it... Not when some guy in our class just went by us normally, but my 'childhood friend' and that girl that she liked had to laugh at him, and just had to say he was disgusting and ugly. They don't even know him inside and out. I don't know him myself, but judging him by his appearence? That's going too far. They even had to say that his girlfriend was ugly, also... and that both of them were the ugliest couple they have ever seen... My mind was screaming "PLEASE STOP!!!" I got more and more depressed for each hurting word they said... I felt guilty... but I said nothing.

We went to town...

While walking on the road it was like me and that other friend didn't exist. My childhood friend and the girl was walking in front of us and talking without any care in the world. I don't care if she's found a girl she wanted to befriend really badly. I just don't like her attitude when she's with her.

When we were in a toystore me and my other friend went to another section, while my childhood friend and that girl went to buy candy.

When we went home, I said to my childhood friend this:

"You know more than anyone how it feels to get bullied. You know more than anyone how it feels when others are giving you their disgusting looks. You do know that the boy you just laughed at felt sad don't you? Why did you do it? He has suiciding thoughts, you know...? ...because people is calling him fat at school and a lot more than that."

I care about her... so I also want her to know that other people who gets bullied also feels the same way as she did back then.

"I want to escape."
"I want to die."

Life

Lollipops turns into cigarettes.
The innocents turns into tramps.
Homework ends up in the trash.
Detention turns into suspension.
Soda turns into vodka.
Bikes turns into mopeds.
Do you remember...
That "being high" meant than you had a lot of speed on the swing?
To protect yourself meant having a helmet on?
When the worst thing guys could do was to give you "guybacteria".
When daddy's shoulders were the best place in the world and mommy was your hero.
Your worst enemies were your siblings.
War was only a game.
The only drug you knew of were painkillers.
The worst feeling was when you scratched your knees.
And "bye" only meant "see you tomorrow"...

These are not my own words, I found it somewhere in Swedish. So I translated it.

"I'm going"

Girl: I'm going now, bye.
Guy: Wait. Didn't you forget something?
-hugs-... From now on don't forget to hug me before leaving, okay?

"Everytime you 'part' no one knows
if you're 'going to meet' each other again or not
Don't forget to 'hug' the person you love
before parting to go anywhere, alright?"

Kindergarden again!

We went to the kindergarden again!! XD
This time my friends were playing with the little kids....
WAIT... I didn't properly introduce me... My name is Ruzana (pronounced Rosanna) and I have two friends; Erin and Sarah. I'm very close to Erin and I'm in progress to be "opening up my heart" to Sarah. I still feel a bit uneasy around her... although I think she's nice. @_@ In short: I've known Erin longer since she's my childhood friend.
Anyways.
Sarah took their ball and ran away. The kids were all screaming "give it back!!! :D give it back xP!!!". They thought it was fun :3 But... then another girl joined them, though she was serious when she screamed "GIVE IT BACK!!!!" She was the only one who was serious and really really mad. Me and Erin were both just watching and laughing at how cute they were. When Sarah ran passed us they all chased her, though the little-serious girl stopped and told us "YOU BOTH ARE DEAD! ò.ó" and continued the chase. So scary !!!!! >3<
And when they ran passed us again... she looked at me and said "I'VE GOT MY EYES ON YOU!!!! :@"
I was like... "woah, what? 0.0" SCARY TT^TT
I feel sorry for her though, she almost poked her eyes ._. (she made the "I've got my eyes on you" thingy)
OMG, she was at her "angry-limit".
I mean... she made all kinds of angry faces which I didn't know exsisted, LOL.

When school ended me and my friends went to sit on a rooftop at school. XD
We talked.... about stuff ._. Although I didn't say much, it was fun. ^ ^
We actually planned to sit there until sunset..... to watch the sunset.... but Sarah's parents really wanted her to be back before 6pm... >o<

That was the first time we spent almost a whole day together. ^ ^

Psst... on our way there I saw something "crazy" ._.

..."Baby stuff"....

Erin said "There are people who can't get kids who does this. When they do, they'll wish for a baby. In my homecountry there are big trees with baby-stuff hanging on the branches..." >.<
I was like... 0.0

I respect them though, it might not be anything weird... I don't know... Q_Q *going crazy*

At Kindergarden

I made a "short" video of me and my friends playing at the kindergarden. XD

The kindergarden is a part of school but I didn't know it was there. ._.

Okay... I knew it was there, but I didn't know all the funny things there were! ^o^

So I was like "Awmygod! >.< so cute!!! I wanna try!!! :'3"

Well, I made a video of it to put it on the blog~ ^ ^ It's kind of silly, but I love it! ^o^

I loved every second of it!!! >.< It was good training also, haha ♥

I did a very simple video editing. ^ ^'

..but it's very late right now. I gotta sleep!! ;A;

PS. Red shoes --> Me =3

PSS. Black Butler is an anime/manga xP

Is it jealousy?

The morning assemble was okay... but I talked a bit too long. I know they thought it was boring to listen to me.. When I talked, my tounge 'slipped' a few times. It was a nightmare, I never want to go up there again! >.<

I hated all the attention they gave me... I felt kind of embarrassed when it was over. I knew they wanted it to end quickly but when they were aplauding.... I just couldn't help but feeling relieved. Applauding is a natural thing to do, I know. But I was still relieved... >.<

Anyways.

For tomorrow, we had to write a report about the "gene technology" and so I wrote one. I don't know what the point is with the "word counting". I mean, everyone in class are so interested in how many words you use in your report. ô.ò I don't think it matters how many words you are using, the only thing that matters is the content. @-@ A classmate of mine asked me happily "Can I see how many words you've got on your report? =D =D" so, I said "sure...." and showed him. There were probably more words than him since his face expression changed from =D to =l. Guess what he told me?? He said "You're not Wikipedia, you know." and walked away just like that.... and I was like.... (._.)''

And then during lunch at the dining hall he said to his friends "Just look at her. She thinks she's the best when she's not, blablabla. Omg, she likes showing off". But Erin told me "I thought he was being nice to you again, but apparently not. I was wrong. He's still the same... I mean thinking you're showing off. Don't think too much about it. He's just jealous of you." Oh, I knew he wasn't planning on being nice to me all the time. What's wrong with him?!?!? Why is he always telling me "stop showing off, so now you're trying to make the teachers like you??, stop being such a nerd, you're not as good as you think you are, you're probably just being nice around the teachers" etc?!?!? I HATE HIM! ò ó

Did I do anything wrong?!?!? -.- I hate people like him. Almost every guy in our class are "hacking" on me for being a "nerd".

I'm trying to think positive, I'm trying to ignore... I'm trying not to care... although it irritates me when they call me whore... (they use wrong words .__. I mean... I'm not a whore -.-) but anyways I can't ignore, it doesn't work. I want to transfer, now. But it's too late for that... Why am I so weak....?

Books

I'm retarded, my mood is always going up and down or how the hell you say.

Now I'm happy because I got to buy two books!!! ^ ^
(though I'm still anxious about tomorrows presentation for 7-8th graders Q_Q)
Anyways~
The first one is a "two books in one", it's the third and forth book of a series called "Vanished" written by Meg Cabot. I really liked her first and second book of those series :'3 Those books were my only friends when I was in Thailand... >_> I mean... I read them when I was alone. XD

Summary:
What if you got struck by lightning and woke up with the psychic ability to find missing people?
High school sophomore Jess Mastriani knows what she doesn't want to do: work for the US government. With the help of hunky Rob (can you really trust a guy you met in detention?), Jess is trying to help people in need.The Lifetime show Missing was based on this series that Children's Literature calls "full of pop-culture references, suspense, and attitude," and "a great choice for teens looking for a thrill."
Source:  http://www.megcabot.com/1800/index.php 

Another really good series written by Meg Cabot is "The Meditator Series", those books are my favorites!!! >.<♥ It's about a ghost and a human.... etc, etc. for more information check her website, hehe ^ ^'Anyways. o3o

The other book I wanted to buy is called "City of Bones" written by Cassandra Clare.

Summary:It’s after dark in New York City, and Clary Fray is seeing things.  The best-looking guy in the nightclub has just stabbed a boy to death – but the victim has vanished into thin air.  Her mother has disappeared, and a hideous monster is lurking in her apartment.
With her life spiralling into darkness, Clary realizes that she has stumbled into an invisible war between ancient demonic forces and secretive Shadowhunters – a war in which she has a fateful role to play…
Source: http://www.lovevampires.com/cclcityofbones.html

>.<!!!!
I kind of have a lot of books already.... but not as many as some other people like...
....for example a friend of mine XD
Anyways. These will be going to my collection too ^ ^
Not all of them were my own books from the beginning though >.< I was so lucky because I got all those manga books for free from a teacher~ ^o^ She was our illustrator teacher but only for a while...
I miss her ;__; Her daughter is an otaku so she has tons of manga books but since they had to move she had to give away some of them. She chose the ones she wanted the least of course xP I'm thankful anyways!

So... I drew a picture for her >.<

It says "Thank you SO MUCH for the mangabooks!" Lol, that was all I could think of as a "Thank you". >.-

Morning assemblings

The principal has made a new rule... From now on, there will be morning assemblings on Thursdays.
All the pupils from grade 7-9 will be assembled in the dininghall at 8.20am.
On these assemblings each grade will perform or make a presentation of things they've done in school.... and well! Since we the 9th graders are the oldest ones, they're going to start with us! ^ ^ ISN'T THAT AWESOME?!?!? ;__;

Oh, please kill me right now. No 9th grader wants to perform anything.
And since I'm the type who can't say no... the teacher chose me to do it. Seriously... why do I have so much bad luck? When he asked me, I told him "I don't know... I don't think...-"
but then he just interrupted me and said "Come on... =) I know you can do it! I chose you for a reason." (OMG WHAT?!?!?) I said "but..." And he was like "I want an answer fast. It's tomorrow."
My inner thoughts was "Damn you teacher!!!!! T^T"
But I said "okay... fine..."
AND NOW I HAVE TO MAKE A PRESENTATION IN FRONT OF... YEAH.. PEOPLE!
*cries*
I'm not doing it alone though, a classmate of mine (who, also, wasn't able to directly say "no" without any interruptions) is going to join me. Thank you, thank you, thank you >.<
but I still feel sorry for him because I also know how it feels.... ;__;
I wish I could escape.

Thank you and goodbye?

I want to thank you for all the kindness I used to recieve

To be honest,

without words, I never wanted you to leave

To make me forget and relax is something you succeed

...unn, you are the sunshine indeed.

If not to others, to me you are.

If it were to be dark...

You'd be the unique redblue-greenish star...

"Forever Alone"

Phew, I'm alright ^ ^
I survived (of course). It was a weird experience but... I talked a lot more when she wasn't with me on the guitarlesson. It's not like I want her to take a break from the next lesson too, but I was kind of happy that I was fine on my own. =) I always overreact... -.-
but although I know I'm overreacting...
...my heart will still pound as fast as it did then, if I'll have to go alone again. ;__;
But maybe it's a good excercise for my heart? I mean.... yeah... XD

Anyways. ^ ^
Hahah ~♥~ 

This isss hilarious!!! XD

Reading this makes me go "Aww ó.ò" on the inside...

but "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA X'D" on the outside.

and watching their faces makes me laugh even more.... haha =')

Wait... there's more ^ ^

Hehee, that's so.... cute.... >.-♥

Thank you 9GAG. :3

People will leave.

Although people say they will forever stay

They will eventually someday just leave us and go far away.

Although people say they will call us everyday

They'll just let us stupidly wait in a despair so gray.

You know...

I will never again believe in anything people say.

I'm fine by myself without interacting with them in any way.

Maths

Hehee, I think I passed the maths test. @_@
It was okay! But silly me ò.ó
My heart was pounding faster than usual when I got the paper. The heart-pounding disturbed my thinking! So I... sat there wasting my time looking at the paper while I tried to recover. >.< My thinking was all messed up... I thought 8^2 was 72. It didn't make sense... so I wasted my time thinking about what the answer was. T^T 
15 mins was wasted on that one!!! ;A; 
LOL. I COULDN'T EVEN GATHER UP MY "SMARTNESS" TO KNOW IT WAS STUPID NOT TO SKIP THAT PROBLEM TO CONTINUE WITH THE OTHER ONES FIRST. ;__;
Anyways.
I drew a picture of it... >_>



....................................
I... will soon read a book about a sadistic father! ;__;
Seriously... it's so scary... the author explained everything in detail... the flesh... the blood... EVERYTHING!
I think I even got a little taste of the pain he felt. ;A; ☠

Slender Man

HAHA gosh, I'm just too easy to amuse ;__;

These comments made me laugh x3
Comment 1: and he even brought Slenderwoman with him... We're fucked..
Comment 2: the guy in the poster behind is already dying.

There's more...





HAHAHA, The end =3♥
Sweet dreams! ^ ^

At my limit ☠ Bad news doesn't affect me anymore.

I listened to this song NONSTOP while doing my darned homework >.<
I'm finished! I'm soooooo happy right now I could die!!! Q_Q♥ I'm so overjoyed that I feel like screaming out of overwelming happiness~ I'm not overreacting! Believe me, the feeling of finishing a homework on a SUNDAY NIGHT is the best feeling ever!!! I thought I'd never finish it since I'm the type to postpone. ;__;
D'you have any idea of how proud I feel right now?!?!? >.< ♥ You should try to force yourself too~ At first it feels as if the whole world will end... but when you're done.... it's like a HAPPINESSBOOOM! 
Haha, I know... you don't think it's trustworthy... but at least give it a shot! ☠

But seriously.... Why does that woman have to kill my joy?!? -.-
My Thai-teacher just called us and told my mom that the thai lessons would be on Wednesdays, AGAIN.
Apparently we won't be changing to Fridays although it's the best choice... ;__;
I understand the difficulties of her other students... so I'll let go of this... but still, why did she have to tell us that we'd change it to Friday from the start if she'd change it back?!?!? Q_Q (sorry for the weird last sentence...)
Ugh... What's giving my mood a larger MINUS is that we're going to have a maths test tomorrow. *cries*
What happened to my joy...? ☠
*changes the title from "Overwelming joy ♥" to "At my limit ☠ Bad news doesn't affect me anymore."*
-Hmph T^T

Waiting

"Don't waste your time to wait for someone.

Because if they worshiped you....
they probably wouldn't let you gullibly sit there with the waiting."

.... update: it's 2018 (6 years later) and I feel so ashamed for this post LMAO "worshipped"??? That's a bit narcissistic. To want to be worshipped? wtf? I was such a noob and I still am but at least today I know what the word worship actually means omg x'D IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE TRANSLATED ALONG THE LINES OF:

"Don't waste your time waiting for anyone
Because if they really cared about you
they probably wouldn't let you sit there and wait gullibly" (???)

ok thnx bye, still cringy tho.

Friend's b-day party

I was at a friend's b-day "party" today.
I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW! >.<
I didn't talk at all, I just sat there listening to their chatting. I couldn't be social ;__;
Not even for her sake. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't bring myself to talk... I felt as if I was ruining their fun, but no, of course not. They were laughing and talking happily. It was good. I tried to join them with my laughter too. But... I wasn't comfortable... HAHAHAHA T^T
Anyways.
We were eating dinner at the table. (obviously)
When we were finished, we just sat there and looked at each other for about 15mins. And then my other friend wanted to go home so she told me to get up. So... we went... took our jackets... and said "byebye!".
BUT that wasn't the end, no. Her grandmother came to us and said "Already going home? :<"
My friend and I said "yes... <=)".
And then she said "Too bad... I thought you'd stay for the cake...? I wanted you to taste it..."
My inner thoughts: OMG CAKE!!! I want cake! :'< Please tell her that we'll stay a bit longer.... CAAAaaaaaaaaaaake... (my hopes went up)
My friend: Oh... but.. I really have to go, I'm in a hurry...
My inner thoughts: Darn (my happiness just crashed ;__;)
Grandmother: Oh okay... I hope you had a great time! ^ ^
Me and my friend: Oh yes, we had ^-^'
*hugs the b-day girl and went out*

OUTSIDE:
My friend: The cake.... *cries* I was waiting for the cake for 15 minutes... so I thought there wouldn't be a cake... and... I bought candy today... so... I was in a hurry for candy.
Me: Why?!?!? I wanted to eat the cake D': But it's fine...
My inner thoughts: It's not fine...!! at least I wanted to know what kind of cake it was!!!! ;___;
My friend: Do you want to see my hamsters funeral?!?!?
Me: What? ._.
She runs to guide me the way and I followed her through the darkness.
The end.

Nothing lasts forever

I really liked this dark road in front of our appartment. I always used to go to school on that road. I've gone through it for 6 years..

IT WAS MY FAVORITE ROAD. T^T

Yeah, they've ruined it... They cut of the trees... It's not a dark "cozy" road anymore... it's a shiny BIG MESS D: I can't even go through it anymore because they've put a "fence"!

How could they do this to me?!?!? 3:<
I could go through it 409570528 times without getting bored of it...
And they're gonna turn it into some... parking lot.... huuuuhuuuuu T^T
But yeah.... nothing lasts forever.

Out of Control

Lala!
I had the religion-test today remember? (the question is mostly to myself since nobody is reading this yet ^ ^)
Well....! It probably went good? Though my worries was about its content >.< I'm angry with myself because I can never be content with what I'm doing. ò.ó
I was content with my english presentation though! (kind of) My class is full of guys, there are only three girls in our class (if you count me in too)... well... just because my voice is so small and not so loud, they kind of bully me.
My outer face-apperance says: Say whatever you like. I'm not really listening, nor do I care.
My inner feelings says: "You big stupid idiots!!! CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME INSTEAD?!?!? All you ever do during my presentations is 'talk, talk and talk', pay a bit more attention will ya?!?!? What would you say if I were to do something disrespectful to you too, huh? You'd be surprised wouldn't you?!?!? because I'm not that kind of person who doesn't respect other people, like you!!! and... I'm.............. :'( *cries* not the kind that would act that way because of you... your statements doesn't affect me, okay?!?!? EVEN THE PEOPLE SITTING FAR BACK IS HEARING WHAT I'M SAYING. ARE YOU DEAF?!?!? (and so... it goes on....)
-But yeah.. I don't blame them.. I, too, hate my voice. It's so weak ò.ó
but.... to cheer myself up:

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear. ”

― Baba Ram Das
(for example: I can hear people playing basketball)

HAHA! See that my fellows? IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR NOT HEARING ME!
I'm so dead if some of those dudes sees this and knows who I am >__>
But I'm not that stupid to be giving this page's adress to ANYONE!

Sorry... I went out of control... but this is "her shout outs", I created this to be able to express my hidden personality. So I won't apologize, hehee ^ ^

Image taken when my friends were playing basketball. I didn't have anything better to do, so....

Stupid...

I've done tons of homework today! T^T
Well... I've been preparing for the religion-test tomorrow, for the English presentation and for the "petit" test in French~ XD It took a longer time than I expected, but I needed a break too y'know? To calm myself down I watched four episodes of "Romeo x Juliet". It's an anime about.... Romeo and Juliet. -.-
Huuhuuu, I dunno why but I REALLY hate it when they tell each other "I love you" or something like that... I get a weird feeling in my stomach. I kind of feel disgusted. I'm being mean right now, I know, but I just can't watch it! T_T Especially when Romeo screams "JULIET! Juuuliet!!! JULIET!!!!" Gahh Q__Q
Anyways... Other than that... it's totally okay.

Plot Summary:
In the floating continent of Neo Verona, the Montague family seized control and murdered every member of the Capulet family with the exception of Capulet's daughter, Juliet Fiammata Asto Capulet. 14 years later, Juliet and the remnants of Capulet's retainers live hidden from the iron fist of the Montague family. Juliet has long forgotten the murder of her family or her identity, and cross dresses as Odin and the town's hero of justice, "Red Whirlwind". A sudden escape in her daily escapades leads her to meet Romeo Candorebanto Montague, the kind son of the tyrannical Montague. Destiny has been set as these two individuals soon to be "star-crossed lovers" are cruelly toyed with by fate in the midst of war. Loosely based on the play by William Shakespeare.

Personally... I like Tybalt better than Romeo! *-*

IT'S GETTING REALLY LATE *cries*
Night! T^T (Stupid tests!! 3:<)

I miss you "Childishness"

I used to be happy everyday.
I used to love the chidlishness in me in every way.
Now I've realized the childishness' persuading me into dropping my homework.
I can't help but thinking "Childishness" is a goddamn jerk.
But I still miss the good times.
When it wasn't a big deal doing small crimes.
When I used to play with friends,
and used to believe the fun never had any ends.


Here I am.
Sitting.
Waiting for the "right" time to do my homework. >.<
A friend of mine just came by and wanted to hang out. I couldn't. Because of my homework. I feel guilty.
Homework, homework please end.
I want to relax and hang out with my friend. Q_Q
Haha, it's so funny making rhymes ^-^
It eases my mood, but I still feel very guilty though...

I use to have Thai-lessons on Wednesdays after school but not anymore! I'm so lucky! She changed it to Fridays after school instead. :3 Now I'll have Wednesdays free for doing HOMEWORK! Q_Q (ugh)
My brain's messed up XD I hate homework...

Locking up my feelings

I did the necklace with a glassbottle, chain and a "feather". (of course)

On the inside: Paper hearts (colors and faces with pen) & superglue for the steam-effect.

Yup, the idea is not original :3 My inspiration was dA and people's moods. >.<

Homework

How does she expect me to memorize this whole book???
I’ve got no superbrain… is her plan to mess up with my head?
My teacher (Thai) gave me THAT book and told me to memorize everything in it…
I’m done reading it, but I haven’t successfully memorized it yet… Anyway… I was REALLY in a bad mood while reading it. But then I saw the cute lil’ guy at the “almost-last” page! He’s so adorable ;__;
(yes, my anger disappeared just because of the cute “thing” ._.)
PS. Haha, isn't it interesting? The first post ever... is about homework... ._.

<--- It's the boy infront of the elephant :3