WARNING: this is a looong post.
Okay... so I was sick yesterday.... I took a day off of school.
My childhood friend wanted to know why a guy in our class acted so mean towards me whenever I 'wasn't around'. She told me their whole conversation:Her: Why are you so mean to her?
Him: Because she's ruining my grades.
Her: Huh?
Him: She's not only ruining my grades, she's ruining everyone's grades in our class. She's destroying our future.
Her: HOW?
Him: When we have an assignment to write an essay she'll always write A LOT. So when I'm not content with my grades I ask the teacher why I'm not getting better grades for it. I mean, I should've gotten better grades. But teacher told me "Look at your essay and now look at hers(mine). Compare them." So it's all her fault.
My thoughts:
1. Huh? Seriously?
2. Why is that teacher saying that?!?!? Is that person even a teacher? Teachers shouldn't be saying that to a student.
3. HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?!?!?
Her: Do you hate her?
Him: Yes, I hate her. If she weren't in our class we would've gotten better grades. She should just disappear.
My thoughts:
1. Uhh? Yeah, I wish I could disappear. I really do.
2. But you don't know how many difficulties I'm facing too. You don't know me, so please. I also have hardships, I'm not as "perfect and destroying" as you think. I worked very hard for my grades. I'm even walking on the path that's ruining those regular happy days that normal people have. My days are stressing. I can't even go through a day without worrying about homework and exams... I'm thinking over thousands of thoughts about school before falling asleep... which means it's very hard for me to fall asleep... but when I do, I dream about arriving late for school, and only that tiny little thing is killing me inside. I'm not looking for sympathy, I only want you to know that I'm facing hardships too. I also dream about being killed by Saddam Hussein just because I got full points on a test. I know it's such a silly dream, HAHAH... But when he shot me with his gun... it hurt. It felt real. I was so scared, but what could I do? I could only try to take control over the dream by taking control of my own imaginary body. I could only jump around, but I was still hit with those shots. I was stupid enough to believe in that dream although I knew it was only a dream. When I woke up I was crying. It's so stupid.
3. I'm also having sleep paralysis.. it's when you imagine something there although it isn't really there... that was also scary... I saw this black creature by my bed... it carried me... I couldn't move my body, I couldn't scream. I opened my mouth... but no sound came out... and it carried me through the wall... the next night it happened again. But that time it tried to drag me off of my bed instead. I hate it. I searched about seeing black creatures before falling asleep or something like that... and 'sleep paralysis' appeared... apparently it's caused by stress?
4. Do you hate me because of my grades or do you hate me for who I am? Oh... yeah.. I remember... he thinks he knows me. He thinks I'm fake. He thinks I'm an "eye-servant"..
Her: Omg, you could just work harder.. it isn't her fault that she's better than you.
Him. Yes it is.
Her: Is everyone in our class thinking like that too?
Him: Yes, it's not only me.
-someone walks by-
Her: Hey, you! Is Ruzana ruining your grades?
That person: No.
Him: Uhh, he just likes her.
I get it now... so there are those people in this world eh? That's scary.. I mean... I knew he was faking his smiles towards me and stuff... because when he thought I was out of sight he said "Just go lick the teachers as*es".
-Uhm excuse me? But I just pretended I didn't hear that and walked away.
I don't hate him. I actually don't feel anything towards him at all.. no.. wait.. I actually do. I feel sick everytime he smiles at me. Like... cut it off, just show me your true face...
I just thought that song was appropriate for this post. @__@ Anyways...
The more you get to know the other person... the more you wouldn't want to be jealous. Everyone is facing difficulties. Although people appear to lead a perfectly happy life... there's more to it that you will never know if you refuse to get to know him/her.
PS. I got good grades in english because I was nerding myself with Runescape when I was younger... I played it 24/7... and I still play it... sometimes. Well, that's the reason I got better in english. And the other reason is that I was an otaku once... I 'nerded' myself in front of animes and mangas with english texts... which also gave me a few words in japanese :3 Well... I am still watcing animes and reading mangas, but not as much as I used to.
Oh yeah.. and my english is not that good.. so... .__.
No comments:
Post a Comment